Sex, socialism and sanity without safewords
So if you have been on twitter this morning you have probably spotted and maybe even clicked on the slanegirl tag. For those not on twitter 24/7 a girl at Slane Festival didn’t just enjoy Eminem but gave at least two men blow jobs, and was photographed doing it. As is the way with such things the photographs have gone viral.
Now, as with all ethical bloggers I have to declare an interest here. I love giving blow jobs. I would struggle far more with never giving a blow job again than with never receiving oral sex myself. I was lucky enough to go to a club with a glory hole once and had an exceptionally memorable night. Being unable to see the person attached to the cock, sucking one after another, revelling in it. If any objectification was going on, I was giving far more than I was receiving.
Which is why so many of the seemingly supportive tweets for slanegirl are, in many ways, as problematic as the outright misogynistic slutshaming ones. Many people are saying we all make mistakes, that the boys should be ashamed of themselves as much as she is, asking why no one is shaming the young men involved. Newsflash folks, people have sex at festivals, people like receiving blow jobs, and amazingly lots of women like giving them.
What exactly should this girl be ashamed of? That she likes giving head? ( OK I am assuming she was having fun) There is a line of thought, heavily propagated by radical feminism that women are passive actors when it comes to sex. We are mere receptacles for male desire, and couldn’t possibly enjoy sex acts with men. This is especially pushed on blow jobs and facials. However you just have to look at the language to see how odd an attitude this is. A woman goes down, gives head. These are active verbs, oral sex is something a woman does to a man. Perhaps the problem here is listening to people who are avowedly political lesbians about heterosexual sex, its like listening to the pope about figging.
Now of course not every time a woman performs ( another active verb) a sex act on a man is it without coercion. But I am not discussing those type of events, just normal, consensual sex. Defending the girl by saying she made a mistake is falling into the trap of denying women can have sexual desire, can want to act outside the normal heteronormative standards that strangle at birth any sensible debate about sex.
Ireland is a small, very conservative, country. It is not that hard an imaginative leap to see someone wanting to go a bit wild, to get a thrill from smashing the conventions of the good girl, to act, well, sluttily and enjoy that. She may have even got a thrill from being photographed, many of us do. The only people who should be ashamed are those who think consenting sex is a sin, who will shame a young girl for having sexual desires, and who posted the pictures without her consent.
The issue with slanegirl is not what she did, with who, or how many times, but with the instant rush to condemn any female who dares exhibit any form of sexuality that does not pass patriarchal approval. That so many women, and those who describe themselves as feminists are the strongest supporters of this denial of female desire is a sad feature of twenty-first century life. An equally sad feature is that teenagers can not experiment and explore without camera phones spreading their explorations all over the internet.
If, by the slimmest possibility, the girl in question reads this, remember you did nothing wrong, you did not make a mistake, giving blow jobs is fun, sexy and nothing to be ashamed off. Wanting to give them to more than more man isn’t a crime, public sex is, but it is also damn hot, and many women feel exactly the same.
Note: The pictures being linked too may be illegal due to her age under UK and Irish law, even retweeting them (which since she hasnt given her consent is a pretty low thing to do) is illegal.