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#Slanegirl and the shaming of female sexual desire.

So if you have been on twitter this morning you have probably spotted and maybe even clicked on the slanegirl tag. For those not on twitter 24/7 a girl at Slane Festival didn’t just enjoy Eminem but gave at least two men blow jobs, and was photographed doing it. As is the way with such things the photographs have gone viral.

Now, as with all ethical bloggers I have to declare an interest here. I love giving blow jobs. I would struggle far more with never giving a blow job again than with never receiving oral sex myself.  I was lucky enough to go to a club with a glory hole once and had an exceptionally memorable night. Being unable to see the person attached to the cock, sucking one after another, revelling in it. If any objectification was going on, I was giving far more than I was receiving.

Which is why so many of the seemingly supportive tweets for slanegirl are, in many ways, as problematic as the outright misogynistic slutshaming ones. Many people are saying we all make mistakes, that the boys should be ashamed of themselves as much as she is, asking why no one is shaming the young men involved. Newsflash folks, people have sex at festivals, people like receiving blow jobs, and amazingly lots of women like giving them.

What exactly should this girl be ashamed of? That she likes giving head? ( OK I am assuming she was having fun) There is a line of thought, heavily propagated by radical feminism that women are passive actors when it comes to sex. We are mere receptacles for male desire, and couldn’t possibly enjoy sex acts with men.  This is especially pushed on blow jobs and facials. However you just have to look at the language to see how odd an attitude this is. A woman goes down, gives head. These are active verbs, oral sex is something a woman does to a man. Perhaps the problem here is listening to people who are avowedly political lesbians about heterosexual sex, its like listening to the pope about figging.

Now of course not every time a woman performs ( another active verb) a sex act on a man is it without coercion. But I am not discussing those type of events, just normal, consensual sex. Defending the girl by saying she made a mistake is falling into the trap of denying women can have sexual desire, can want to act outside the normal heteronormative standards that strangle at birth any sensible debate about sex.

Ireland is a small, very conservative, country. It is not that hard an imaginative leap to see someone wanting to go a bit wild, to get a thrill from smashing the conventions of the good girl, to act, well, sluttily and enjoy that. She may have even got a thrill from being photographed, many of us do. The only people who should be ashamed are those who think consenting sex is a sin, who will shame a young girl for having sexual desires, and who posted the pictures without her consent.

The issue with slanegirl is not what she did, with who, or how many times, but with the instant rush to condemn any female who dares exhibit any form of sexuality that does not pass patriarchal approval.  That so many women, and those who describe themselves as feminists are the strongest supporters of this denial of female desire is a sad feature of twenty-first century life. An equally sad feature is that teenagers can not experiment and explore without camera phones spreading their explorations all over the internet.

If, by the slimmest possibility, the girl in question reads this, remember you did nothing wrong, you did not make a mistake, giving blow jobs is fun, sexy and nothing to be ashamed off. Wanting to give them to more than more man isn’t a crime, public sex is, but it is also damn hot, and many women feel exactly the same.

Note: The pictures being linked too may be illegal due to her age under UK and Irish law, even retweeting them (which since she hasnt given her consent is a pretty low thing to do) is illegal.

148 comments on “#Slanegirl and the shaming of female sexual desire.

  1. Jo
    August 20, 2013

    Ah, dear, dear. I wasn’t expecting the outright hostility and vicious name calling but as for the rest, par for the course. Ireland is getting scarier now that sex is out in the open. I’m scared for this girl, who’s sedated in hospital now – I don’t know if the ilk of some of these lovely commenters and the tabloid press drove her to a suicide attempt or if she’s just hysterical but one way or the other, the salacious gossip and bitching of people who are only to delighted to harp and gawp and post and share pictures is certainly the cause.

    I haven’t read much about this – and thinking back to my slutty teen years, I would offfer her the same advice as myself – to love yourself enough to make wise choices with alcohol and who you trust and have fun with – but as to giving blow jobs, the condemnation is wrong. Inevitable, in Ireland, but still wrong – If the (won’t somebody please save the) children are young enough to be shocked and traumatised by it, they’re certainly too young to be at an Eminem concert.

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  3. Christopher
    August 21, 2013

    The “mistake” she made wasn’t giving blowjobs to guys, nobody is trying to deny women of having sexual desires, her mistake was that she did it out in the open – which is extremely inappropriate & illegal. That said I do feel very sorry for the girl & hope that she moves on from this.

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  5. James Power
    August 21, 2013

    Spot on.

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  8. Billy
    August 22, 2013

    You are a ignorant and irresponsible blogger and a total disgrace. While promoting the idea that anonymous public blowjobs are somehow okay , you did not at any point give a thought STI transmission or physical saftey for girls in this position. You dont speak for all women so dont try and pass this off as acceptable for teenage girls please.

    Also dont use the guise of female sexual desire (Which is perfectly healthy) to justify your own, disease ridden and sordid “gloryhole” past. I really hope that you dont have a daughter to pass on your extremely loose morals…. or if you do, she would be smart enough not to listen to your disgusting and risky attitude to sex.

    • saschakonietzko
      August 22, 2013

      the assumption being that no protection is used, though statistics say that most people do not use protection when engaging in oral sex, a general problem. which makes most people who are engaged in consensual oral sex “disgusting” and “risky”. way to paint with a very broad brush.

      • Billy
        August 22, 2013

        i didnt assume anything, i pointed out that she made no mention of safety in her sordid article

        • the2013team
          August 23, 2013

          do you know the risks from oral sex? i do. Lovely use of sordid tho, you have a career writing for the tabloids ahead of you

  9. David Clarke
    August 22, 2013

    I never assumed anything .I was hazarding a guess that she was looking for drugs and the lads helped her out and decided to document how she rociperocated for their own pleasure.As for agency?? .I would think you mean agenda.

  10. David Clarke
    August 22, 2013

    I also never said the girl was raped,I think she done it willingly .I’m saying that i think she was well under the influence and i believe she done it for drugs.She may or may not have done it for enjoyment.I mean look at the guys she was with ,do they look like clean sober people to you.I also think she was unaware of the camera.

  11. David Clarke
    August 22, 2013

    Sorry I meant to say I think she was unaware of camera.

  12. Blue_Hat
    August 24, 2013

    A Brilliantly put piece – damn!

    • jemima2013
      August 24, 2013

      thank you…but why damn?

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  14. Gary
    August 27, 2013

    “wow…how to show you are judgemental when trying not too, just how do you decide that a woman is a man toy? Has it ever occured to you that maybe they are her toys, providing her with her pleasure?”

    I gave three definitions of “slut” and pointed out that the first one was my view, therefore the third one wasn’t.

    Anyway, the person who decides if she’s a man-toy is, in the first instance, the man who has sex with her and then wants nothing else to do with her. If that’s OK with her because she was only looking for sex too, great, but it doesn’t change the way the man is viewing her – as a means to an end.

    If she works her way through a series of encounters like that then she’s going to start to look like a man-toy to the rest of the world too. Even if she’s enjoying it and doesn’t personally feel she’s being used by the men, it looks from the outside like she’s being used and cast aside, again and again.

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This entry was posted on August 19, 2013 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , .

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