Sex, socialism and sanity without safewords
Hang out on any contact site, from OK Cupid to Fetlife and you will receive the inevitable emails from men who are, it seems, built differently to the rest of us. Instead of the normal pulmonary system they breathe through their ears. This strange mutation apparently means they can perform oral sex on someone for hours, and they want everyone to know about it.
Now I am the last person to believe someone who si physically different should have to hide that, but if you have to perform oral sex for hours, the problem probably isn’t your breathing technique. The idea it is desirable comes from two different sources, one that sex is split into foreplay and sex itself, and the other that women dont really like the sex bit, and want the foreplay. The second is such a huge thing that I think it deserves a blog of its own. Here I am looking at that strange concept, foreplay.
I find the whole idea of foreplay problematic. If I get a sext that makes me soaking wet and quivering with excitement is that foreplay? If a sadistic man orders me to my knees to drink his glorious stream of piss is that foreplay? If I send a video of myself to someone, hoping it means they watch it with a morning hard on, is that foreplay? Or is foreplay simply those bits when two people are making smiles before actual insertion takes place?
The division of everything into foreplay and penetrative sex not only seems hetronormative but a description of the very worst, mechanistic sex by numbers. Sometimes its clear this is how people think it must be done. Squeeze the tits, bit of oral, finger to ensure she is wet then onto the real sex, the tupping.
Recently I was travelling on a car after my latest piercing, post orgasmic, floating, I turned to my companion and said “I feel like I have spent the afternoon having amazing sex” There had been no “sexual” contact between us except a few slaps on my thighs but I was not wrong. In all the ways that mattered we had had sex, we had shared sexual experiences, orgasms, intimacy (and there is little more intimate than watching someone get their labia pierced.) I cannot describe it as anything but sex, and it even included chocolate cake!
This may seem an extreme example but the false divisions of foreplay and sex seems to blight so many people’s lives. It turns sex into a brief, contained, cock thing. When we remove limitations it becomes instead something that can expand into hours of pleasure, for all concerned. We dont need men who can breathe through their ears, we need people who consider sex to be more than penetration, and revel in that.
Disclaimer. Penetration is also fab, if you do breaththrough your ears, I suggest you visit your local health professional.