Sex, socialism and sanity without safewords
I have said before that twitter is simply the worlds biggest chatroom, and just like any chatroom you can never know why other people are there. The reaction to the block debacle is a good example. As I saw woman after woman lock her account men kept saying; “Whats the problem?” Or even worse, “It is annoying when someone blocks you.”Let the sense of entitlement it takes to think that sink in.
Now I learnt everything I know about twitter from sex chatrooms, and the very same behaviour was exhibited there. Sexykitty81 would block someone (which in this context would mean they couldn’t see her cam, or interact in any way).Then the *requests* for the rest of the room to pass on messages would start, from some bloke who couldn’t believe that mid wank she had blocked him. This is the problem of so much of online communication and interaction, we assume the person on the other end is there to fulfill our needs, rather than fulfilling their own. Sexykitty81 may have looked like she was a typical victim of the male gaze, cavorting in a sexually smugtastic way as strangers tugged away, but this misses the point of exhibitionism. The watchers are meeting a need of the exhibitionist, who they are, and what they are doing is largely irrelevant, they are just cyber notches on the bedpost. Indeed one of the reasons I stopped camming is I realised I was objectifying the men watching me, totally unconcerned with them as human beings.
My ego and its need to be watched on cam while I wanked, matched with those of the men who wanted to watch and wank, the only time there was a mismatch was when someone misunderstood the relationship, and acted as if by doing something they wanted to see I had to do things they wanted. This attitude seems to motivate so much online trouble.
Recently lubobottom wrote this heartfelt post. In it she discusses how important online friendships are to those with disabilities and her treatment at the hands of others who felt she didn’t meet their needs anymore. This is the problem when we see all interactions as being about us, and what we need, when we are simply ego driven. It also reminded me of this, where I ponder how different the online world would be if people remembered that everyone has their own stuff going on, and arrives online with the baggage of a life.
It has been a strange old week, and in between Dominant men being told they are abusers and people claiming being asked a question is abuse innocent bystanders have been hurt. None of which would had happened if those powerful feminists who seem to want to cling to victimhood had remembered that it is not about them. Of course there are reasons they cling to the idea they are still silenced and marginalised, why they shout down oppressed women who might share their platform. I suppose the really sad thing is if their ego state was not so dominant and defensive we might be all able to work together to discover why. Their need to be seen one way is smashing into the wall of how they are actually perceived. Right now whilst feminism is more about feeding the needs and ego drives of a few people the chances of anything being achieved grow slimmer and slimmer. That is even sadder.
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