This is our truth, tell us yours
Be aware this post discusses rape play and links to a news report of an attempt to arrange an assault.
When I was young and innocent, OK a few years back when I first started exploring BDSM, I like many newbies looked online and in looking attracted the attention of those who prefer their kink pixelated. The two men I ended up playing with most often knew how to push my embryonic sub buttons, online at least. However after a couple of months I decided to end our online games.
The reasons were different in each case, one kept making demands, buy these gloves, that lipstick, the other pushed me too far too quickly. Their reaction was the same though, suddenly men who had been content with private rooms on a swinging site or msn wanted to meet. They offered to visit me, or send me train tickets, they expected me to want real life submission without the protection of the computer screen.
They had missed the vital fact, that when a sub gives herself to someone a complex risk analysis is taking place. You are putting yourself in a position of extreme vulnerability, and even if the process is never conscious, it occurs, it is what lies behind the old trope that a sub chooses a Dom and not the other way round. My playmates were ignoring the fact that if I was not willing to take the chance to continue online there was zero chance of it happening offline.
Doms too, or men who wish to Dominate have to perform a risk analysis too, and we have had another story this week of people stepping from the world of online to offline without making basic checks. Pretending to be someone else Joanne Berry found men online who wanted to explore consensual non consent, the posh term for rape fantasies, she then gave them a colleagues home address, and after simply exchanging messages online three different men arrived at the property to make fantasy reality. They clearly hadn’t phoned or met the woman before hand, willing to take a chance on one of the most risky forms of fantasy play there is.
When you play with fantasies, or you like edge play with ropes, breath, knives or other fun toys, it might seem that you have stepped away from the real world. The reality is that you need to be even closer to earth, your feet even more firmly on the ground. Perhaps that is what I sensed was missing about my cyber Doms, and also what I realized when I made my oh so wise decisions to finally move from online to real world submission. Its wonderful to be ruled by your loins, but that can only happen if you have first allowed your head to run the show.