Sometimes, it's just a cigar

This is our truth, tell us yours

The Ancient Marital Art of the Blow Job.

One of the things about the internet is that it brings you into contact with silly people who in your day to day life you would avoid like the plague carriers they are. It’s the flipside of meeting so many wonderful people who open your eyes to worlds beyond your ken. I had one such point of contact earlier this week, (don’t worry I washed my hands). When pointing out that sex workers are skilled, well the sucessful ones anyway, a VSP* retorted that it was no more skilled than helping someone have a really good poo.

Well, I thought to myself, someone has clearly never suffered from constipation! There is a whole industry around helping people “have a really good poo.” You can barely turn on the television without bloated handbags being waved in your face, and should your child be constipated everyone and their Grandmother has a remedy. Pro tip; crisps, seriously for small children they can really work, its the fat content.

However this has not suddenly become a health blog where I share 100 uses for bicarbonate of soda. There is you see more than one VSP on the internet, and they all seem mightily offended by the notion someone might be skilled at sexual activities. It really makes me wonder what sex with them must be like, since they have never learnt anything from doing it or tried to improve what they were doing to please a lover.

I have given a lot of blowjobs, it is probably my favourite sex act, and I am by all accounts good at them. Not everyone is. Quite a few men have told me they don’t like, or never come from blow jobs. I do see the latter statement as something of a challenge. If you chat to the men who don’t like blow jobs what you discover is a lot of women are pretty crap at giving them. Teeth are rarely a pleasant addition and each man has his own sweet spots. Some love having the foreskin pulled right back, others find that painful.

This isn’t a how to give the perfect blow job guide, but if you are doing something and the person you are with doesn’t enjoy it surely you want to know? Surely part of being a good and considerate sexual partner is knowing the difference between a groan of pleasure and a grimace of pain? Unless of course you are hoping for the grimace of pain but that is a very different blog!

There is an issue here of what it is and isn’t acceptable to discuss, and how under our patriarchal system all men are meant to be clones of Uber Man. A club wielding neanderthal with the emotional range of a Ken doll. Many women like me do not really like people going down on us. In fact it is safe to say there are only 2 men I enjoy cunnilingus with, and one of those has to hold my legs down to make sure I don’t kick him in the head.  Women frequently complain about the tongue lappers, the men who think labias are made of rubber, the ones who can’t find a clit with a 10 foot arrow pointing to it. However let a man complain he doesn’t like blowjobs and he is met with laughter and disbelief. All real men like blowjobs it seems no matter how painful or poorly given they are.

The skill here is one of observation and reaction, of starting with each new partner with no preconceived notions of what works or doesn’t, but being willing to explore their body and its reactions. Tell every woman who has rolled her eyes at some stud claiming he can breathe through his ears that isn’t a skill. Tell every man who has had to pull away as someone treats his penis like a savaloy that it isn’t a skill.

A good waiter observes rather than hovering over your table like a vulture ready to pounce. A good shop assistant observes when you need help, and reacts, rather than ignoring or badgering. A good sex worker, and those amateurs who just do it for fun, observes and acts on their observations. It is a skill and one to be proud of.

VSP= very silly person, the net is full of them

And yes, I know you don’t have to be married, I couldn’t resist the wordplay.

 

 

 

Advertisements

2 comments on “The Ancient Marital Art of the Blow Job.

  1. sex dating
    July 16, 2013

    Hello you have a great blog over here! Thanks for posting this interesting information for us! If you keep up the good work I’ll visit your blog again. Thanks!

    Like

  2. Pingback: How to ask a woman for a blow job? | Sometimes, it's just a cigar

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on July 13, 2013 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , .

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

%d bloggers like this: