This is our truth, tell us yours
Apparently, the Blessed David Cameron, a man in search of a policy initiative, has decided that the default setting for content filters should be on. How this will work, when it’s the default setting for the mobile devices that we are told young people use to access porn, is anyone’s guess.
However, my daughter has asked three questions, and deserves an answer.
1. Does it mean we will have locks on bookcases or need a PiN number to read Cosmo?
No. Probably not. Apparently masturbation over mum and dads literary collection (or the Grattan catalogue, to amuse those of a certain generation) does not lead to harm. Of course, neither does internet porn, unless you believe in the Ted Bundy defence (although the interweb hadn’t been invented when Bundy lied to try and save his neck) but facts are no use in a debate with a main search of a policy.
2. Does it mean your email address won’t receive videos of your step sister kissing her girlfriend?
Hmmm, a toughy this. There was that holiday video of her and that girl in Ibiza the week after graduation which was a little near the knuckle, but I’m not sure it counts as lesbian porn since the girl involved has a boyfriend now and was only briefly topless. However, it’s a tough question, not helped by your step sister sarcastically labelling the video ‘lesbian bikini porn’ to try and annoy your mother when she was in her checking your emails phase. I
3. Does it mean you won’t be able to see Amanda Palmer’s ‘wardrobe malfunctions’ on the Daily Mail website?
Good question. Wardrobe malfunctions cover a range of bodily part, from Amanda Palmer’s breasts to the badly illuminated crotch of unaware teenage actors but probably come under the heading of serious news reporting (in Cameron world) rather than porn. You probably will be able to see breasts on Page 3 in The Sun – maybe this is all really a canny sales ploy to get teenage boys of limited imagination to rely on the Sun and the Daily Mail for their stock of knowledge about female nipples.
Good luck dear child, you seem doomed to inherit a planet governed by fuckwits.
PS; my daughter doesn’t actually read this blog. If she did she’d criticize my style, and grammar, and stuff.