Sometimes, it's just a cigar

This is our truth, tell us yours

How to ask a woman for a blow job?

Search terms are a great insight into the minds of strangers, I hope somewhere the unknown asker found an answer to their question, which is of course; Would you like to give me a blow job?

Random people on the internet are not the only ones who struggle with saying what they want though. Most relationship counsellors will tell you that poor communication is at the heart of any turmoil, and in person centered therapy the role of the therapist can be boiled down to creating a safe space where the client can speak.

People feel unable to speak for so many reasons, sometimes they belong to a group that is not used to be listened too, sometimes they want to express something that they feel they will be judged for. When you throw the whole mess of sexual desire, shaming and perceptions of what is normal into it, then it is no wonder someone is unsure whether they can simply ask for a blow job.

I am a submissive woman, sexually, for many that no doubt suggests a silent woman, head bowed, never voicing objection or complaint.

The Doms I know at reading that sentence.

The idea of the submissive as the silent partner in a BDSM relationship ignores that this is what we want too. So much of the submissives are really in charge bullshit, normally touted by those outside BDSM seems based on the belief that this isn’t what they really want, this can’t be, so they are able to withdraw at any moment. Those on the outside create a wolrd where power is not really given up becasue it fits better with their notions of what is acceptable.

Dominants are not mindreaders though. (Well thats what He tells me,  I suspect I know better).  If the submissive does not speak, does not make clear what they desire, then the Dominant is working blind, not advisable when tying ropes of using hitty ouch things either literally or metaphorically.

Aha! The  believers cry, surely then the D is simply responding to the desires of the s, and thus proving the s is really in charge. Go back to that first paragraph again. We live in a society where people are not sure they can ask for a blow job, a relatively vanilla sex act.  For women to express openly and honestly their sexual desires, for male subs to challenge hetronromative norms of being in charge, for either to admit to things that wider society uses words like perverted to describe, speaking the words can be a huge step of submission. It can take all of a Ds experience and skill to lead an s to the place where they can speak.

A confession here, I struggled for a long, long time to admit, even to myself my sexual desires. Before I was a submissive I was silent. Saying what I wanted seemed wrong, this also extended into other aspects of my life, as I found it difficult to say no, ended up volunteering or giving of myself regardless of whether I had the spoons for it. This is not unusual, so many women are the same. Taught by society that being nice, being available and putting your own needs last is how to be a good woman.

As I have discovered more about submission, about being the best submissive I can for my Dominant I have also learnt how to speak, sometimes it has to be said under the cane. I have learnt that denying my desires is also denying His control and desire. Saying what I want is not telling him what to do, but instead giving him vital information for when He decides what will happen. In many ways like that therapist mentioned earlier, a good Dominant is one who creates a space where the submissive feels able to be who they are, in safety and without shame.

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7 comments on “How to ask a woman for a blow job?

  1. Molly
    August 13, 2013

    I think you are absolutely right, one of the greatest gifts he has given me is a confidence to not only express who and what I am, and what I need but also enjoy it, reveal in it even. It is very liberating

    Mollyxxx

    Like

    • jemima2013
      August 13, 2013

      so happy you got it, i hoped you might. The freedom that comes from being owned is something i never anticipated

      Like

  2. Venom
    August 13, 2013

    This is a really profound approach to the understanding and improving of Ds-relationships you are describing here.

    Like

    • jemima2013
      August 13, 2013

      oh my…thank you, any understanding i have, comes from the lessons He has taught me.

      Like

  3. Denry Machin
    August 23, 2013

    Vomit, vomit, vomit. I’d cite this site for false advertising, although no one would care or listen. The nub of the problem here is simply that you’ve not answered the question that you’ve posed. Like a nice slice of gnomic nonsense you stray from the title into mundanities and banalities. Big Dom provides more food for thought really.

    Like

    • the2013team
      August 23, 2013

      urm….what exactly is your objection to what I said? And where is the false advertising?

      Like

  4. Pingback: Review of the week: Its all about sex baby. | Sometimes, it's just a cigar

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This entry was posted on August 12, 2013 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , .

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