This is our truth, tell us yours
I have a confession to make, I like anal sex, I like it a lot. I like being on my back, legs clasped around my dominant’s back while I orgasm hugely. This may seem none of your business unless you are planning to have anal sex with me and are equipped with the bodily parts to do so (Not a fan of strap ons for anal, not enough sensitivity and too much chance of it hurting in my experience). There is more to this post than my general exhibitionism though.
Be a sex work activist online for any length of time and you will be pounced on by those who oppose the right of men and women to consent to what happens to their bodies. For sake of convenience they tend to get called antis. They have a few standard lines and high up on the anti list of things that they believe will make you go “OMG You are so right, I am subscribing to Feminist Current and walking on my knees to the door of Julie Bindel to beg forgiveness” are rectal prolapses. Actually that’s not scary enough because it clearly reverberates through their head like THE VOICE OF DOOM!
This tweet by @katezenlove is pretty standard. In among the unbelievable questions is that idea so wonderfully put of things “falling out and down”. Prolapses exist of course, one of the more obscure fet groups I ever came across was dedicated to them, (all male, natch) and they are a risk of childbirth but why this obsession? Why the repetition of misogynist ideas that if a woman has a lot of sexual partners she becomes loose and less attractive? Why the strange belief that anal sex takes place with something like this?
I was musing on this when I had reason to re read this post on the terfs. Careful clicking that link, its the usual suspects being fucknuggets. Part of the way down the delightful Aunty Orthodoxy (a misnomer if there ever was one as her attitudes are as orthodox white cis patriarchy as they come) says this; ” men are as other to me as I am to them” Perhaps this is why she thinks this is what a penis looks like? Is this why those like her think anal sex involves more than a few inches of flesh? (Sorry guys, but most of you are not John Holmes, thank goodness)
There is more to this than snark at someone who has a little idea of heterosexual sex than I do of quadratic equations though. The view grew up in the 19th century that a womans enjoyment of sex was something to be suspicious of. Earlier it was seen as vital for conception, but sadly that idea faded. By the twentieth century the female orgasm, deemed equal in importance to the male in the 17th century was denied by some to even exist. In this climate sex was something women endured for procreation, never for fun and pleasure.
Anal sex therefore becomes a huge taboo, rather than the method of birth control it was often used as, and which even the Catholic Church used to turn a blind eye too. After all one thing you aren’t likely to do with anal is make a baby, it is purely for pleasure. It became something that nice girls didn’t do, and nice boys didn’t want. It’s the 1950s men are from Mars, women are from Venus and never the twain shall meet gender essentialism old Orthodoxy was spouting further up.
This was when the lightbulb went off, the obsession with anal, with prolapses, with huge vaginas that wont be pleasurable for men to fuck, it’s not just poor biology, lack of knowledge of sex, and misogyny. Its a genuine belief that sex with men for pleasure is wrong. Those radical feminists opposed to sex work aren’t just reinforcing patriarchal ideas about who is a good woman, they have also swallowed whole the idea if a woman enjoys sex then she is somehow lesser, perhaps mentally ill, and a threat to decent society.
When your gender essentialism sees men as other, as if you are sitting in the set of I love Lucy and living a plot line about dizty women and how men never understand them, you also have clearly absorbed a whole host of other patriarchal beliefs about the sexes. Re read the tweet from Katezenlove. They are all there, women ruined for the pleasure of men by having more than one sexual partner, stretched, no longer desirable to a culture that values tightness and purity. Sex for pleasure it seems is the ultimate sin, not just for patriarchy but for its vocal supporters who call themselves radical feminists.