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Swinging, slut shaming, and #banfreebies

You may have noticed the #banfreebies tag on twitter, it has been quite hard to miss if you follow sex workers.It spread from country to country as different people highlighted the contradictions and hypocrisies of the antis. From structural analysis to snark sex workers ran with an idea that was provoked by a feminist telling me that my choice led to the oppression of women around the world.

Whilst I was overwhelmed by the way the tag went viral I noticed that for some the satire seemed lost in the chance to snark at other people’s sexual choices, particularly slut shaming.

I used to be a swinger, I suppose I still am, I just don’t find labels very helpful, the party I went to this week was definitely a swinging party even if it could have been described as swinging for those to hip to swing. (It was also very very good). One of the oddest things in swinging is the attitude of some to women who like me attend greedy girl parties. Greedy girl nights are for women who like lots of cock, at the same time, I have floated off to heaven, on my knees surrounded by cock, each one I sucked off replaced by a new one, or lying on my back, not even knowing who was fucking me, as cock followed cock followed cock.

For some swingers this is the “dirty” side of swinging, and they are not afraid to make their disapproval clear. Swinging should be restrained, after drinks and conversation, and never nameless mindless fucking. Daily Mail approved swinging basically.  The idea that the outside world would consider them as dirty never seems to occur.

Some people always seem to have the need to draw distinctions between what they do (which is perfectly acceptable) and what others do (which is not). Seeing tweets attacking sluts who give away sex on a friday night, to multiple men, phrased in a derogatory fashion reminded me of this scene from Dune:

Paul glanced at Halleck, took in the defensive positions of his guards, looked at the banker until the man lowered the water flagon. He said: “Once, on Caladan, I saw the body of a drowned fisherman recovered. He–”

”Drowned?” It was the stillsuit manufacturer’s daughter.

Paul hesitated, then: “Yes. Immersed in water until dead. Drowned.”

”What an interesting way to die,” she murmured.

Paul’s smile became brittle. He returned his attention to the banker. “The interesting thing about this man was the wounds on his shoulders–made by another fisherman’s claw-boots. This fisherman was one of several in a boat–a craft for traveling on water–that foundered . . . sank beneath the water. Another fisherman helping recover the body said he’d seen marks like this man’s wounds several times. They meant another drowning fisherman had tried to stand on this poor fellow’s shoulders in the attempt to reach up to the surface–to reach air.”

”Why is this interesting?” the banker asked.

”Because of an observation made by my father at the time. He said the drowning man who climbs on your shoulders to save himself is understandable– except when you see it happen in the drawing room.” Paul hesitated just long enough for the banker to see the point coming, then: “And, I should add, except when you see it at the dinner table.”

A sudden stillness enfolded the room.

Perhaps we need to update that to include the internet.

Yes, sex workers face stigma, abuse and prejudice, however attempting to appear respectable at the expense of others whose sexual behaviour is different to ours makes us simply complicit in our own oppression. Destroy the notion of slut shaming, don’t add to it.

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2 comments on “Swinging, slut shaming, and #banfreebies

  1. Laura
    September 30, 2013

    Thank you so much for this. I was very glad someone on the tag beat me in saying that there’s people out there who REALLY DO push disgusting unfair blanket statements, stereotypes, etc., about the women who purposely have sex for no literal charge. When I fully “came out” as one of the women who does this a few years ago it didn’t take me long to find this stuff online. Unfortunately, I found it all over. I do think the tweets that really are satire on the tag are great. The fact that some really do push these things doesn’t take away the value of the tag. I’m so tired of people being put into what I call “safe little category boxes” in the sexual area. Thank you for talking about this type of thing within swinging. That needs to be exposed also. Thank you again.

    Like

    • jemima2013
      September 30, 2013

      🙂 amd thank u for commenting, i never forget being told by another swinger othat i should tone down what I said in chat or ppl might think i was “easy” ait happens all too often

      Like

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This entry was posted on September 29, 2013 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , .

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