Sometimes, it's just a cigar

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The Sunday Sermon; Why I dont have a bucket list.

Those familiar with us in different incarnations might remember my posts on religion, this is a new slot, where I hope to explore some of these themes, dont worry there will still probably be sex.

The bucket list, for those not familiar with it, is a list of must do activities people compile, a hundred and one things to do before they die. Swimming with dolphins always seems to feature highly, I have no information on whether dolphins write lists where they want to swim with humans and be treated as a living icon who can cure autism and magic away depression. Somehow I doubt it. It seems we all have to have them, things we will feel we have failed somehow if we have not achieved , adventures that make our lives worth living.

The idea that doing would bring us happiness was challenged over 2500 years ago  by Sidhartha. He tried the starvation and asceticism of religions of his day, as well as the pleasure of his life as a highly pampered Prince.  Doing, even not eating is an activity, an attempt by your actions to change how you feel internally.

Then one day, according to legend, after eating a bowl of rice porridge, he turned his back on doing, and allowed himself to simply be. Sitting under the Bodhi tree he achieved his goal, Nirvana. A contentment with who he was, no longer concerned with what he did, and instead focused on who he was.

In the twentieth century  another group of privileged men rediscovered (or in some cases claimed to discover this idea). The history of therapy has a few giants, Fromme, Rodgers, Maslow upon which so much rests, Maslows hierarchy of needs is nothing more than a western updating/appropriation of the noble 8 fold path.

The bottom rows of the pyramid are concerned with doing, as a man (and these models always described men) grows in self awareness and understanding he moves beyond merely doing, into being, into self actualisation/ transcendence/nirvana.

Oh yeah, the sex bit. Recently I met with someone who knows me inside and out, and we had sex. The time was very limited, it had been one of *those* weeks, where life just seemed to overflow. An hour, not much time especially if you think sex is about what do, not how you are, a series of discrete acts rather than simply experiencing the emotions and sensations that arise when two people are completely absorbed in the moment, to the exclusion of anything else.

 Writing bucket lists simply means you have given yourself a list of things you believe you need to do in order to be happy, and the list of things will grow as you, like the Buddha before you, discover that no matter how much you do contentment will elude you. Like sex by numbers, it is a way of viewing the world, but not one that leads anywhere but in a vicious circle of failure and repetition.


4 comments on “The Sunday Sermon; Why I dont have a bucket list.

  1. michey1978
    October 13, 2013

    Nice post, although I do have a little critique. Fulfilling my bucket list would not make me happy or complete. They might be simply things I would like to do, would like to experience but I do not expect the the fulifillment to make me happy – although I do hope that the act of fulfilling would at least interest me.

    P.S. Jem – you off Twitter now?


  2. jemima2013
    October 17, 2013

    Oh this is true, but that is not how the idea of doing things in order to find happiness is presented, there are things i want to do, a gang bang whilst a certain person watches, a visit to a sex cinema, a whole host of things, but my persoanl happiness is no longer focussed on doing X or Y


  3. Pingback: A slut in retirement | Sometimes, it's just a cigar

  4. Pingback: Maslow, Mistletoe and magic wands. | Sometimes, it's just a cigar

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This entry was posted on October 13, 2013 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , .

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