This is our truth, tell us yours
Jemima has just written a post that is personal, brilliant, and evocative of the adept way she navigates a landscape of great complexity with the nimbleness that intellectual ability provides.
It deserves a counterpoint, a moment of call and response if you like.
The key to being a sub is accepting who and what you are and the way you choose to live. Being a dominant is no different, and neither, I dare say, is being a christian. I may be a control freak, and a risk lover, but I know, with astonishing certainty, that not every risk can be managed.
Want an example? On a bike ride recently I was in a little distress; steep climb, not enough food, and not enough stamina. It was worth doing though, to take on that challenge. On a bend just after the peak of the climb I moved out to overtake another rider, and realised I had too many things going on, a wet road, slick with mud and cow shit, the rider struggling with gears to my left, the front wheel washing out, my heartrate pounding and my lungs heaving, a BMW coming towards me….
It could have been a horrible accident. It wasn’t. I had done everything I could have done, but in such a situation there was nothing more I could have done. I survived. The BMW driver went on his way, and the rider with the mechanical got a repair off the travelling mechanic.
My life has had a hundred such incidents.They’re not all as healthy or clean living as riding a bike on the beautiful Cheviot hills. Unprotected sex in the 80s? Check. Dangerous amounts of drink? Check. Drugs of dubious provenance? Check.
I try not to do aphorisms. Here’s one though. I know of no man or woman more dangerous than one who believes they can control all risks, and manage all dangers. The fact that I think it’s my duty and my most satisfying role to manage every risk I can does not mean I am unaware that life will bring forward risks I cannot manage. Choosing to accept that there are risks that no man can predict is part of being aware, and self aware.
Living with the consequences is a contract I have to accept.