Sometimes, it's just a cigar

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A slut in retirement

I have been, and theoretically still am a very proud slut. I only use the past tense since it is a long time since I went to a club and tried to see if I could make it into double figures. This isn’t because I found the group sex a bore, just the conversation between being double penetrated and having cock after cock come over me.  I revel in sex, love the pure physicality of it, the immediacy, the fact when you are stroking a breast or balls there is nothing else in the world, or at least in my world.

This probably goes to the heart of my problem with role play. Exploring fantasies and dark corners of desire is nothing to be ashamed of, wanting to be other for a few hours is after all the point of Halloween. As I pointed out earlier in the week though, the other is all to often just another conventional, bounded by patriarchy presentation of yourself. Less a dark corner and more a slightly shaded park bench. Role play replacing authenticity and genuine exploration and instead turning into a way to ignore and santize our desires.

When we role play we are basically pretending, that’s what role play means. When we pretend we put a layer stopping us  experiencing something fully . Sometimes this is because someone is not ready to fully accept their desires, but how does rebranding them help with acceptance? Instead of widening our sex life as Cosmo and others seem to suggest we simply find a new way to contain it, an inauthentic one at that.

I will never forget being asked to role play a landlady showing a prospective tenant around a  property. It failed on the rational level of me offering sex to “seal the deal”. Whilst I understand wanting to play with power dynamics had he not been following the economic situation and housing crisis?  What he wanted was to be begged for sex by someone in a weaker and more vulnerable position. The role play signposts his desires in a way he believed was more acceptable, but in no way satisfied them except on the level of ticking a box and emptying a pair of balls.

Recently I have explored submission more deeply than I ever would have dreamt of. Sometimes in ways that even more high protocol kinksters might recognize, boot licking collared, kneeling, ways. Is that the same person who can cling to his strong arms, feeling safe, wanted and more open and vulnerable than you can imagine? It is because neither is a role, neither is a set out shall we explore foot worship or age play, despite the fact on one level I am of course taking on roles at those moments.

Which is probably the point of writing this, other than to make myself smile and remember orgasmic smile making. In all the advice on how to have great sex, or even non mediocre sex so much is concentrated on the external. Buy this, wear this, learn this trick, make a list of the 10 most outrageous things you want to do. (And I made my view of bucket lists clear here) The advice is rarely to allow a connection that goes beyond the things to the feelings. To dig beneath the idea of role play to what roles you want to play with, to trust and see where that trust takes you.

Writing I have become aware that I may not have covered fully why am a retired (temporarily perhaps) slut. It wasn’t just the conversation that bored me. There are many ways to have sex, and many people you can have it with. Right now I am in a period of considering that trust and openness a prerequisite for anything that is more than a basic, if satisfying, fuck.  Not every person I make smiles with will know me the way Carter does, but I want that potential to be there, the idea we do not have to pretend to be anything but be who we really are.

Links to exactly the sort of pretend to be something you are not sex advice I am on about 

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2 comments on “A slut in retirement

  1. Matthew Chiglinsky
    November 2, 2013

    So, you already know you’re a sociopath, right?

    Like

    • jemima2013
      November 3, 2013

      can you explain how you reached that conclusion?

      Like

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This entry was posted on October 31, 2013 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , .

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