Sometimes, it's just a cigar

This is our truth, tell us yours

In his hands…

Imagine a sub restrained by her wrists, legs, waist,and ankles, receiving strokes from a cane, and whichever implement catches her Masters eye. Attempting to behave in a way that makes him proud she whispers “Shhh”over and over to herself. He questions the noises she makes when beaten, and although she has never been ordered to be silent, just once she wishes she could be. She cannot stop her tears though, as he selects a new, skin tearing flogger.

Later when she is hanging by her wrists he reminds her of the first beating O takes. She doesn’t need much reminding, she has memorized that scene, quivering the first time she read it, the sadism transported her. No world of safe words and informed consent for O, she spins and writhes and suffers for the pleasure of the men beating her.

I do not have to imagine the scene with the sub, I am remembering it as I write. Hanging by my wrists I was only able to agree with the resemblance to O, rather than analyzing how much that first glimpse of S&M informed my growth into the sub I am today. Part of the reason, I believe, that I do not stay silent is because of the fact when O is beaten her reaction makes no difference. I do not want to be in a world of reasonableness and RACK when I am with my Master, I want to be used regardless of my reactions, unless those reactions are what he desires.

My relationship with pain is one of informed consent, unlike O. I love and hate it, fear and desire it. There is, of course, a place for more gentle activities in BDSM, but not in S&M. When my Master beats me it hurts. The natural reaction to pain is fight or flight, instead I hold myself as still as possible, no twisting or turning for me. It is in some ways a mind /body split, my mind loves the pain, and in overcoming innate reactions my body learns to love it too.

The reactions of my body are so intense that I desire them as an addict desires their fix. I might fear the initial strike of cane or flogger, but it fades the instant the skin is struck. love and desire always win over fear and hate.

Indeed my biggest fear yesterday was before I even left the house, being alone in a locked room miles from home with a man who could easily break my neck (as he demonstrated when he wrapped his arms around mine, bent my body, and whispered “Trust me.”) was nothing compared to leaving the house dressed in corset and stockings, covered only by a thin summer coat.

Each tap of my heels seemed to say look at me, the bag I carried full of dildos, canes and butt plugs seemed to scream search me. In many ways my greatest moment of submission was when I opened the front door. It was the prelude to the pain and pleasure that followed, but without that choice, that moment when I stepped out willingly the rest would never have happened.

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15 comments on “In his hands…

  1. Marie Rebelle
    November 5, 2013

    “I love and hate it, fear and desire it.”

    Exactly the way I feel. I love your references to O, which had me seeing the scene in my mind all over again and comparing it with my very first beating. I was much less brave than you and O!

    Rebel xox

    Like

    • jemima2013
      November 6, 2013

      Oh my first beating was much less challenging too, I think a wise Dominant knows even if you want to experience the pain, you have to work up to it

      Like

  2. hispreciouspet
    November 6, 2013

    Thanks for your post. I enjoyed reading it. The first step IS to consent, so true. I love to submit to my Master and I love to be forced. I have not yet come to the point where I can stop myself from turning, twisting, or crying out. I hope to one day learn.

    Like

    • jemima2013
      November 6, 2013

      Me too, although I know if my Master wanted silence he would order silence, perhaps your Master feels the same?

      Like

      • hispreciouspet
        November 7, 2013

        He does as he pleases, but has never ordered me to be silent. He actually enjoys hearing me whine and protest and cry. If he did, however, I would do my best to comply.

        Like

  3. Molly
    November 6, 2013

    Wow, this is a fabulous piece. Raw, open and honest. I love the bit about heading out the door. Sometimes it those first steps to your fate that really take balls.

    Mollyxxx

    Like

    • jemima2013
      November 6, 2013

      From you that is such high praise thank you

      Like

  4. mmalflic
    November 6, 2013

    A fantastic read and opening the door as an act of submission was brilliant.

    Like

  5. jemima2013
    November 6, 2013

    Thank you…there have been a few rare moments when I have thought…I cannot do this, his belief in me has meant i take a deep breath and trust he is right, I can

    Like

  6. Mia
    November 6, 2013

    Fabulous post! My first introduction to this was good, it was by a man whose experience was high and the introduction left me wanting more and more and I still feel that way every time that myself and my boyfriend play and I submit to him.

    Mia xx

    Like

    • jemima2013
      November 11, 2013

      Thank you, and I think it does matter so much how your first time goes.

      Like

  7. Heaven
    November 6, 2013

    What a great read. I could fill the pain thru your words.

    Like

    • jemima2013
      November 11, 2013

      Thank you 🙂

      Like

  8. John
    November 7, 2013

    Powerful piece; the Story of O is a favourite and I adore her confidence and power of her submission 🙂

    Like

  9. jemima2013
    November 11, 2013

    Exactly, before I even physically submitted reading it made me see submission was about strength, not weakness.

    Like

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This entry was posted on November 5, 2013 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , .

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