This is our truth, tell us yours
When I saw the wicked wednesday prompt I thought, naw, not this week, then I stopped. Write a letter to your 10 year old self, its a classic writing suggestion, why avoid it? The answer is of course interesting in itself. I have happily written of being tied, whipped, made to weep and beg, but writing of me, my fears, well can I be that big an exhibitionist? Can I reveal myself to the passing stranger who googles older people dogging or slutty blow jobs?
Hey, by some strange quirk of timey whimey stuff you are getting this letter from me, that’s you, in the future, well your future, not mine. This timey whimey stuff hurts! Before you ask a couple of spoilers even River Song* would allow. You aren’t going to marry Rupert Everett, sorry, nor are you going to be Enid Blyton. That is actually a lot better than you realise right now, wait until you read her biography.
So, that’s the future, or your future, or my past, taken care of, what about the now? Well you know that thing you do, that makes you feel nice? (Yes, I know you do it, I am you remember) It’s not dirty, or nasty, in fact your body was designed with a special place just to make you feel nice, how awesome is that? You do it, I do it, millions of women do it. Its called masturbation, or wanking, (I wouldnt let mum know you know that word) and is as natural as breathing. Relax, do it, enjoy it.
Speaking of things you think are too embarrassing to admit. Yes, your/my breasts are growing, and yes the boys who ping your bra straps are annoying twunts (useful word, remember it.) Try not to hate them too much. I know that sounds hard right now, but we will never have the body we want. That stick thin breastless girl doesn’t exist. We do, all curves and roundness, and the sooner we get to love that fact, the happier we will be.
When you look at your/my body I know you are also thinking of other womens bodies, confused about the unformed half thoughts that are bubbling up. Guess what that’s OK and normal too, some people like boys, some people like girls, some people like both, or other combinations you have never even heard of. You are not sick, or disgusting, if the nuns disagree they might like to think about the fact God is love, so how can loving more people be wrong? In a few years time you are going to get tied up in knots about whether you are a lesbian or not. Without too many spoilers you aren’t, you are bisexual. This is far more awesome than you realise right now.
I know you are lonely, always on the outside looking in, a misfit. I wish I had more than a letter to send, because you really need so many hugs. I hope it helps to hear that it changes, you find other misfits, and it turns out they make far better friends than those you envy right now. Fitting in is never going to be your path, other things are set out for you. You will reach a point where you are glad about that, and never lonely.
A couple of pieces of unsolicited advice. When you are 16 a boy you like will ask you on a date, you are so shocked at someone asking the fat lezza ™ out you lie and say you are babysitting. Don’t, he looks devastated as he walks away and whats the worst that could happen?
A thing called google will be invented, buy as many shares as you can the day it gets listed. Trust me on this one.
Be well 10 year old me, while my heart aches for you, I know you are me, but without the pain then I would not be able to write this now. That might not sound like much, but the journey is more wonderful than you ever dream.
* River Soong, a huge waste of a character, and no, she isn’t the Doctor. One day this will all make sense.