This is our truth, tell us yours
With a wave of a wand I become a sadist.
Or so it seems. My sub bought a violet wand, and I became a sadist, using it to inflict shocks indistinguishable from pain.
That’s not true of course. I cannot tell you when I became a sadist. I can tell you when I became aware of being a sadist, when I accepted that I was a sadist and when I embraced it as an enjoyable and moral choice.
I found the violet wand an unusual tool for my pleasure. I enjoy the physical sensations associated with using a crop, a cane or a belt. I enjoy the demands upon me that thesetools make, that I use physical skills, to make sure it’s the flat of the belt that lands, to make the choice about when it’s the end of the crop that lands, and when I use its’ stock like a cane.
The violet wand demands close control, a different skill set to that involved in wielding a cane. It reminded me of the skill set involved in wielding a hot piece of metal in one hand while controlling a blowtorch with the other.
None of these skills are intrinsic to being a sadist though, or a dom. I can make my sub as much a sub by holding her, by using my hands and legs, and yes, even by lying under her while using my arms and legs to position and restrain her.I know that I sometimes repeat this message, but it’s worth repeating it. If you don’t know and understand why you do what you do, and where you want your sub to be emotionally and intellectually, then you’re engaged in cargo cult sex. There is no magic wand can make the inauthentic authentic.
In my head I have a series of oppositions – one of them is ‘Bad doms prize obedience – good doms prize authenticity.’ It may only have meaning to me and my sub, but that’s good enough for me.