This is our truth, tell us yours
It is a fact whatever some might say, that no one needs sex, it makes life better, so much better, and if someone doesn’t have the ability to make good use of their left, or right, hand (We dont discriminate here)help may be needed for those glorious orgasms.. Sex though is a want not a need, and it might be said that kink is even less of a necessity than common or garden lights off, socks on sex (Many thanks to Stavvers for that brilliant description of the kind of sex I hope I never have)
Except…my mind is drawn to Maslows hierarchy of needs, for those not familiar with it, he devised it in the 50s as a way of trying to show the conditions necessary for what he called self actualisation. I wrote about it here, and its limitations. Being the best we can be is always a laudable aim, and if we are to become that self-aware, self actualized human being, content and at peace surely sex can be a part of that?
This question matters to me because over the past (redacted because I can’t believe it is that long) years I have explored my sexuality and sexual desires in a way I never expected possible when a woman I fancied took me by the hand and suggested I accompany her to the dungeon at a swingers party. Not only do I know more about my limits, my dark places and my capabilities than I ever believed but I also know the exploration is not over.
If there is one word to sum up this year, and that is always so hard, it would be trust. People say that trust is an intrinsic part of BDSM, but trust is a process not a one time deal. This has been a year of wax falling, the hiss of a blow torch, remaining stiller than I ever believed possible. It has been a year of tears falling as I realised I was accepted, and tears falling as I thought I had fucked up again, and discovered there were solutions. It has been a year of being pushed, broken, and put back together again whilst floating in a safe oasis. It has been a year of discovering I will not be abandoned, and in learning to trust I also learn to trust myself.
So, as the year draws to a close I raise a glass, still here, still smiling and counting down until 2014, and the new experiences it will bring. Knowing I cannot know what is planned, but also trusting they will be amazing.