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The absolutely, ultimate, best ever, guide to sex!

This should perhaps be considered a two part post, with Carters comment a wonderful insight into why you cannot train or teach somethings. 

When someone suggested we write a post about sexual positions it raised a wry smile in our totally imaginary dungeon. Do they mean how Carter manages to make me feel out of control and yet totally controlled while I am on top? Or perhaps the training which means when I am told to lie on the bed I do so with my legs automatically held in a certain position, for the least vanilla missionary (especially when it involves anal) the world has ever seen? I can’t even start to explain the orgasm from sitting on his lap,by nothing more than his manipulation of his thighs, because I don’t understand what he did or how it happened.

This might seem  rather personal, but that is the point. I have mentioned before the wonderful weirdness of orgasming from touching  him, and it is true that while I have to struggle to think of his eye colour I do not even need to close my eyes to picture his cock in perfect detail. I am sure many dim doms would love the idea of learning how to make their sub come from a gentle kiss on the neck, but unless they are Him, and their sub me, and they have exactly the same experiences as we have, they can learn nothing from our exploration of the deadly art of amazing fucking.

The same is true of our more vanilla readership. Everything from Cosmo to Channel four tries to pretend they than teach technique, when what they really mean is that they have a few pretty basic sexual suggestions, that if you have never tried you probably need more than basic suggestions to enliven your sex life. They confuse what makes sex incredible with a how to guide in order to shame and titliate in equal measure.

Now how to guides can be important, if you want to tie someone, it matters you do not cut off circulation.  But when it comes to sex what other people do is  useless in determining what will work for you. In fact it is probably responsible for more bad sex than one WKD too many on a Saturday night. Too often we look at others, swinging from the metaphorical chandeliers of uninhibited and wild sex and think that is what we should be doing. Should is the word that kills good sex. As an aside I think this was probably what was behind the smugsexual bollocks. People saw open liberated talk about sex as threatening because deep down they thought they should be the same. The should was not imposed by us though, but by their own idea that the grass over there (watered as it was by the sexual juices of wild orgies and  licentiousness) was greener. The moment should enters sex, in any form, then great sex withers and dies.

Back to my main point though. Asking others how to have great sex is a pointless question. There is someone you can ask though, and that of course is the person you hope to have sex with. Carter is able to send me to the places he does because he has listened, and used his knowledge of me. The great thing about listening is it means instead of technique you focus on pleasure, the other person, and most wonderfully informed consent. Sex moves from being something you get gold stars for if you pass from novice to Master, and becomes what it can be at its most glorious; a dance where all participants know the steps without thinking, and nothing else exists except the moment.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked


12 comments on “The absolutely, ultimate, best ever, guide to sex!

  1. Pingback: The absolutely, ultimate, best ever, guide to sex! | Sexworker Blogs

  2. cartertheblogger
    January 11, 2014

    What he did in the lap sitting bit.
    First, notice she is aroused, and moving.
    Think about using your thighs to imprison her legs.
    Notice her buttocks move as you move your thighs, because the muscles on top of your thighs are compressing them.
    Notice she seems to like it.
    Experimentally increase the pressure of your thighs by raising your heels, using your calf muscles.
    Repeat with variations.
    Repeat while using inner surface of upper thigh to separate buttocks and rub against labia and pubis.
    Repeat while rotating thighs.
    Note approaching climax.
    Smile some more.
    Squeeze with arms.
    Notice that she is now not expecting your hands elsewhere.
    Place hands elsewhere, etc…

    For those who like instructions, enjoy, and improvise, it may be the saving of you.


    • jemima2013
      January 11, 2014

      🙂 well when you put it like that…its obvious!


  3. Pingback: Sex tips you won’t find in Cosmo magazine | The Type Cast

  4. Twisted Angel
    January 15, 2014

    I agree. I can read and see all the stuff I could ever imagine but I am a hands on learner period.. plus it is so much more fun that way!


    • jemima2013
      January 23, 2014

      oh indeed! Though I would never suggest anyone stop reading about other people having sex, thats my favourite form of porn 🙂


  5. Marie Rebelle
    January 15, 2014

    I have never thought of it this way, but of course it’s true… no one can give us advice on how to have good sex. Two partners should discover it for themselves. And once you’ve found that magic… well, then it’s just magic!!!

    Thanks for sharing!

    Rebel xox


    • jemima2013
      January 23, 2014

      it is isnt it 🙂


  6. Molly
    January 15, 2014

    When people ask me that question I always reply… communication. It is not the placement of the hand, or the where you put you mouth it is what you KNOW about the other person that makes/creates great sex



    • jemima2013
      January 23, 2014

      perfectly put! No how to guide can replace knowing the other person


  7. Mia
    January 17, 2014

    Well said and brilliantly written. Every relationship is unique and communication (as Molly has said) is the foundation of any great relationship, be it sexual or otherwise!

    ~Mia~ xx


    • jemima2013
      January 23, 2014

      thank you, and yes, you are so right, I hadnt thought to widen it but of course it applies to parenting, freindships, work, a whole host of mother relationships too


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