This is our truth, tell us yours
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain
I remember discussing swinging with a friend a while back and she said that if she stopped getting the pre meet nerves she would probably stop swinging. I saw her point, excitement and nerves are an aphrodisiac, just ask anyone who has had risky sex in somewhere they could be discovered. One of the better bits of sex advice I ever read was that people in long term relationships might discover some of the intensity by having sex in the living room or bathroom, reminding them of those stolen moments when parents insisted on separate bedrooms and “not under my roof”.
Nerves can cripple though, recently I was meant to meet someone I had fancied for months at a club, that scary move from online flirting to real life hoped for intimacy, I almost turned and fled for home more times than I care to admit on the way to the club, That’s when nerves turn into fear, excitement into paralysis. Some people seem to believe all subs must be fear junkies, after that fight or flight adrenaline rush. Not me, I hate being scared, and Carter has teased me about the fact my idea of hell is a roller coaster (rumours I burst into tears the one and only time I have been on one are completely unfounded libel!)
The longer I continue to explore what submission means the less fear seems to have any relevance at all to what we do or how I feel. In submitting I am giving freely and totally, I have given myself. To fear what happens would to me be keeping something back, saying in some sense that you can do X but not Y. If I fear what might happen to me, then I do not trust, if I do not trust I have not given myself completely into his hands.
There will always be those nerves my swinging friend mentioned, what should I wear, what colours and shades, will I please him and not be a wimp, my perpetual worry. Those nerves are part of the excitement, but as far removed from fear as it is possible to be.