This is our truth, tell us yours
Today was not a good day for me, it’s Fathers Day, which is complicated for me as for many people. and I have not been sleeping well. My black dog may not be as large or unmanageable as it used to be, but lack of sleep is the one thing guaranteed to let it out of the kennel. So not the best of mornings then. This afternoon though I got a piece of news that broke through the fog and caused an outbreak of smiles. Someone I care about had their own reason for smiling, rather smugly, and shared that with me.
Some people describe themselves as poly, I don’t as it seems to complicate something rather simple. If the people I care about have fun consensual sexual experiences that leave them smiling, then I smile. This isn’t about love, or submission, more I believe about friendship. After all what is friendship other than rejoicing at your friends triumphs and pain at their defeats? Sex of course may not be something friends usually share, I am aware that for many people they need the boundary to protect the friendship. I suppose I am just exceptionally lucky in that I have a number of people in my life, of different genders, who I can have amazing sex with, and be their friend.
Being able to separate out sex and friendship into the different things they are frees us of so many of the expectations the world seems to hang on both. Jealousy is probably the first one that comes to mind. If I like having sex with someone, and know it makes them happy, why on earth should I be upset when they have sex with someone else. They are my friend, the news simply makes me smile and think, yay someone I care about is having fun.
It also, I believe, allows us to see both things for what they truly are. Sex no more ruins a friendship than wearing the wrong coloured top. It is claimed to do so because people change after sex, so often believing it means they have rights and privileges over another person. Sex is seen as conferring ownership, and not the fun BDSM sort, but instead the kind that wants to limit what another person can say or do. It does ruin friendships, but only because some people believe sex is a magical act that matters more than friendship.
I know for a fact that on my death bead I will not remember every person I have had sex with, hell I cannot do that now, I will I hope look back with a smile at the friends I have been blessed with as I passed through this realm.