Sometimes, it's just a cigar

This is our truth, tell us yours

Bi-sexual or pan-sexual?

Laurie Penny, who is always worth reading, tweeted about being pansexual, and queer, and almost immediately apologised for the assumed implication that to be bisexual is cissexist.

I have to confess that I raised an eyebrow.

I generally describe myself as bisexual, to those to whom I think my description of my sexuality will matter in a positive way.

It’s safe to say that I know the genital configuration of all the people I have had sex with.

I don’t know what gender they describe themselves as being. It may be shameful to some people, but in a few cases I never knew their names, and had no inclination to ask. I judged their desirability not by their gender, but by what they were willing to do.

I sometimes describe myself as omnisexual – I’ll fuck anyone who can consent, but I grew up in a world where the options were straight, gay, or the slightly shameful bi.

I feel as if switching to calling myself pansexual would be too much of a change, too much of a refutation of who I have been.

Polyamory poses similar problems.

I am comfortable being the third or fourth person in complex relationships, where I know the role I play, and the limits upon it, even as I eschew domesticity and prize my privacy. I have been the primary in complex relationships too. The only reason why I’m not living in a household of gender fluid people sharing a communal approach to living is because I’m too old, too selfish about my space, and too used to the way my life was before i even knew what polyamory was.

Redefining the labels we apply to relationships is not the same as defining new relationships.  If I am comfortable with being bisexual that might be nothing more than the label I grew up with, back in a time when even being bi was adventurous.

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This entry was posted on October 11, 2014 by in Uncategorized.

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