Sometimes, it's just a cigar

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Sex for Grown Ups

Be aware this post discusses consensual BDSM and age play. 

You may have noticed that the government, pushed by the anti sex work lobby and groups like Rape Crisis South London (who as far as I can see should be referred to the charity commissioners) have extended the controls over what can be produced in porn in the UK. There is a full list here of what is now illegal. There is an excellent dissection of why it is deeply misogynistic here by @stavvers and even the mainstream media seems to agree this is ridiculous, anachronistic and overbearing.

Reading the list of things the government doesn’t seem to think we should see I was struck by how far away their concerns are from the discussions around informed consent, about RACK, about what makes BDSM acceptable to those who actually indulge. It is not the acts that cause harm, but the intentions. let me provide an example to explain what I mean.

Recently Carter and I met, and if our meeting had been filmed it would have broken half a dozen of the new laws. As is his wont I had received instructions on how to dress, this was high end BDSM, cuffs, collar, and gag (first law breaking there). He knows that his instructions create ideas in my mind, and this most certainly spoke of pain and sadomasochism. Given that my bruises from a previous canning took over two weeks to fade there would be nothing “trifling or transient” here.

So I awaited his arrival with that combination of fear and anticipation that many submissives and masochists will recognise. At its heart submission is about control. Not the control the dominant exercises, which is the visible form of control the world sees, but the control a sub exercises over their own fight or flight responses, and the pleasure that brings. (At this point I imagine Carter is mouthing the words “kick to the head”)

So I was waiting for pain, and pleasure, and as we broke another of the new laws in the downstairs bathroom, (I will leave you dear reader to guess which one) things seemed to be heading that way. However they took a turn. A turn into gentleness, into sitting on a lap, into an exploration of very different roles. (Also now banned as apparently adult age play encourages child abuse. I await the prosecutions of furries for promoting beastiality with interest)

Afterwards as we made smiles Carter admitted this had not been his intention, but as he travelled he realised he was in a vile mood. His first rule is that the cane is only ever raised for his pleasure and mine. Never for punishment, and never in anger. So events took a different turn to those anticipated, a wonderful, mind expanding turn. The link to the new content laws? Sex for grown ups is sex where people think about the impact of their actions. Be it sex with a woman too drunk to consent, or raising a cane while under the influence of anger sex is about choices, and being a grown up is about considering ones choices. The government says that certain things must not be seen in case someone copies them and hurts themselves (eg facesittiting) or because they may make them go and abuse a child (age play). In terms of copying dangerous acts then it would surely be better to pulp every copy of 50 shades, and it is beyond my comprehension how an adult woman sitting on an adult mans lap and calling him Daddy encourages the abuse of children.

Grown up sex is only possible if one is treated like a grown up however, and in these new laws the government refuses to do that. We apparently cannot make choices, cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality and cannot be trusted to not harm others. These laws are supposed to protect children, instead they treat every adult in the UK as a child. For a government which has banned the depiction of all age play they seem to be, non consensually forcing us all to be infants at their harsh, unloving bosom.


2 comments on “Sex for Grown Ups

  1. Pingback: Hyperkinks: ATVOD anti-porn law edition - Spanked, Not Silenced | Spanked, Not Silenced

  2. Pingback: I dont like Paloma Faith either but… | Sometimes, it's just a cigar

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This entry was posted on December 2, 2014 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , .

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