Sometimes, it's just a cigar

This is our truth, tell us yours

A whole heap of Shade

We have written quite a few posts about Fifty Shades of Shite. As a Dom and a sub involved in a total power exchange relationship we have a personal interest in how BDSM is represented. We also have a wider concern, partner abuse and violence is endemic in our culture, and abusers will use anything to excuse their behaviour, including. as has already happened FSOG. We also write about real world BDSM, without an inner goddess in site.

However rather than repeating what we have already said, this post is simply listing some of our our previous work. Enjoy may be the wrong word, but it may be useful, especially when vanilla people try to argue that being anti FSOG means being anti BDSM.


My names Carter and I’m a sadist; Sadism is not about being a damaged abuser who needs cured.

My names Jemima and I’m a… and being a sub doesn’t mean I have an execrable inner goddess and zero self awareness

FSOG inspires real world abuse  CN for rape, violence against women.

A sub isn’t a doormat 

And a Dom can do the ironing.

Fifty shades, BDSM porn for people who dont like BDSM

The consent conversation missing from FSOG

Challenging the damaged child trope 

And of course the best way to critique a fan fic? with a fanfic.


3 comments on “A whole heap of Shade

  1. redpesto
    February 13, 2015

    One thing that cropped up with the recent protests was the idea that EL James doesn’t know anything about domestic abuse. But that raised the question of how much domestic abuse groups know about BDSM. Subs and doms such as yourselves do know, but they seem to be last people to get asked – even if they arrive at the conclusion that EL James doesn’t know anything about BDSM either and that the relationship is abusive in the context of what BDSM is about (short version: I’m inclined to take your word for it before theirs, especially in the light of the re-emergence of the feminist ‘sex wars’).


    • jemima2013
      February 13, 2015

      I think there may have been some radfems jumping on the BDSM but luckily in the UK at least the main campaign against FSOG has been led by DV survivors, far less interested in ideology. They have reached out to the kink community, and make clear they have no issue with consensual BDSM


  2. redpesto
    February 15, 2015

    Thank you – that’s reassuring to know (I wondered whether I was being too harsh in my initial comment).


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This entry was posted on February 13, 2015 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , .

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