This is our truth, tell us yours
Authenticity has been on my mind a lot recently. It has always been an undercurrent of this blog, and of my relationship with Carter, It was one of the rules he set, in our grown up exploration of BDSM with not a kilt or flogger on a belt in sight. authenticity underlay how we viewed D/s, our aversion to role play and our eventual moving away from most avowedly sex based sites and content. For me the fact most sex blogging has ended up just advertoirals for crap products made that an easy choice.
What is authenticity though? The more I think about it, the more I realise it is the other side of self awareness, and indeed as self-awareness develops then being inauthentic becomes more difficult. This may seem like it can only be positive, however it carries its own struggles. Consider a sex worker who generally enjoys sex with random strangers, but who like any worker has to put the work in on days when it is less fun. Then self awareness and the goal of authenticity become more difficult as they (ok me) struggles to fake in a way that is congruent with my core beliefs. Lying back and thinking of England would be fine if clients did not expect enjoyment, and so you moan and sigh and when you catch The Simpsons playing on the hotel TV actually try to push away self-awareness as that path is not useful at the moment.
Or in a different context, does being out matter when you have, as we have both written, a straight pass. Here I am reaching a different conclusion to my fellow traveller, who is happy to have the pass. As I come to know myself, and grow in self awareness, then I realise it does matter to me that people do not assume I am straight. If I am to be my authentic self then that self is also the self that others perceive. If their perception is faulty, then I want to correct, in fact I need to correct it if I am to be myself, my authentic self.
Usually the sunday sermon has some kind of advice, hence the slightly tongue in cheek title, but today it is more speculative. Since we cannot return the genie to the bottle when it comes to self-awareness, then being unaware of times I am inauthentic seems to be impossible. Therefore the answer has to be can I reconcile those moments of inauthenticity by using self-awareness, in what might be described as a meta authenticity, or awareness of the inauthenticity of a given moment that is, in itself authentic?