Sometimes, it's just a cigar

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Micro management and BDSM

Jem, who is wiser than the majority, prompted this blog by reminding me of the way we do BDSM.

We don’t do micro-management. I don’t need to know where she is every minute of the day, or what she’s doing. There are whole sections of her life that I regard as off limits to me, places that are properly hers, and which are not for me. There are also places in her life, like religion and philosophy, where the best I can do is sit and listen, and learn.

Now, that could be a function of circumstance, that I went looking for a BDSM partner and found a busy, clever, woman engaged with life and her world. As Jem pointed out the other day though, that actually wasn’t the case. Given that married women aren’t a specific paraphilia of mine, what was I looking for?

Two answers come to mind. One was about how I want to live, and one about how I want to be.

How I want to live is a recognition that I can be a solitary creature, and enjoy my own company. I do not make a good person to live with, even if I can fake it when necessary.

How I want to be is much more relevant. I despise those who think the way to a goal is to micro-manage every action, every event, every moment. I despise them at work as much as in my personal life,and the micro management approach to society epitomized by Blairism with its plethora of centrally targets is as practically bankrupt as it was morally inept.

What I wanted was a submissive who could live within a shared set of principles, but be herself. The congruence between that desire,  a world view that marks me down as a libertarian socialist, and a person centred manager who believes in empowerment as the most effective way to achieve a goal seems obvious to me now, even if it was an unknown known then.

By now, given this blog’s consistent position on the subject, you can imagine that the parallels with our critique of the abuser in Fifty Shades of Grey and my opposition to micro-management are pretty clear. Micro-management isn’t a tool, it’s a disciplinary activity intended to reinforce existing structures of power and control. Much of what happens in that book is not about sex or desire, but about control and power which tips over into abuse.

You might wonder why I’m repeating now what is, as I’ve said, our consistent position on sex, politics and power.

At the general election we’ll all be asked to decide between the raw, reified power exemplified by the Conservatives, with their regime of benefit sanctions and ever more detailed legal restraints upon freedom of action for the powerless, and the slightly more liberal attitudes of Labour. It’s a hard choice made easier by the sheer incompetence of a Conservative government that has missed all the major economic targets it set itself.

The real work will begin the day after the election, of continuing to argue consistently for something other than the tyranny of the micro managers.

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One comment on “Micro management and BDSM

  1. Pingback: Free Agent | Sometimes, it's just a cigar

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This entry was posted on May 2, 2015 by in Uncategorized.

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