Sometimes, it's just a cigar

This is our truth, tell us yours

The Sense8 Generation.

Who are you? Its a chant of a football mob, a simple request and a challenging question to some of us. Most people know me as Jem, its been my name online for so long that there are many friends offline who also call me it. Ever so often I see a tweet or blog by a feminist who wants my blood and even they call me Jem, a strange familiarity from those who explicitly or implicitly supported outing me. I am always tempted to tell them they must call me Jemima, Jem is for my friends.

The oddest expression of this was when SWOU (the sex workers open university) picketed a conference in Nottingham. Someone was dispatched to the women with the demand that they be allowed to speak to Jem, which amused me greatly, as I was hundreds of miles away sitting on my sofa at the time. Although I answer to Jem, and like it as a name, it is, of course a construct. Jem is a construct, but then is not the person who those who know me by my birth name also a construct? If you only know my birth name you most certainly don’t know me, don’t know I am a sex worker, don’t know of my relationship with Carter (another self chosen name, I often wonder how many are even aware of the USM reference, or the nod to a certain film, or song).

Then there are the other names, the other personas  I put on at different times, There is the name I advertise under, and the names I tell clients are my real name, and there are two of those, one Celtic, one upper class English, depending on what my gut tells me about who a client wants to meet. (IN my experience when selling GFE punters want someone not to different to them, hence the names).

These different names and in some ways the different personalities they represent are on my mind because the compartmentalized life I live has traditionally been seen as unhealthy, or something to change. As the old joke says the goal is to be at one with everything. Maslows hierarchy of needs, which I wrote about here, puts at the pinnacle self actualisation. One self, one presentation of the self, one job, one role.

I think we need to move beyond this idea of oneness as being a synonym for wholeness, for success and mental health. In the workplace it has been accepted that over the course of a lifetime we may have a number of careers, no longer waiting 40 years in one job for the obligatory clock. In relationships there are now a number of models, and the idea of meeting one person in your early 20s and being monogamous with them until you die is growing rarer and rarer.

We present ourselves in different forms, something the internet has made incredibly easy to curate. The radical anarchist can keep down a steady office job, the swinger can have a facebook page where they post happy family pics. They are not necessarily being false or incongurent in wanting, and needing to keep the parts of their life distinct. Carter and I have an ongoing conversation about how we are congruent with our various offspring without being age and boundary inappropriate. When it comes to sex most people understand this compartmentalization without even considering it odd or unhealthy.

We are the sense8 generation, we can congruently hold different lives in our heads. It is time the view of what is ideal for people to aspire to changed from some 1950s white male one. Life is not about achieving oneness, it is about achieving unity. Life is about embracing the many, accepting someone can be one thing in one space, and completely different in another, so long as those different aspects are congruent with each other. Once we accept multiplcity the idea of outing becomes archacic. What does it matter if someone does something in their private life so long as it is consensual? Hypocrisy is about claiming to believe one thing, whilst doing another, not about doing different things, at different times, with different people, which all fit with your core beliefs.



3 comments on “The Sense8 Generation.

  1. ValeryNorth
    August 21, 2015

    I keep a database of the various versions or “aspects” of me I use online (I could do even more if I included the real-life things such as “professional”, “relaxed slob”, “casual company” and so on). They are all completely me, but all seen from different angles and looking very different (like timid Vannie or confident Miste or submissive Marian or Marlo).

    But what this post most put in in mind of was the Victoria Wood song “Reincarnation”: which I can completely identify with!


  2. Wickedjulia
    August 22, 2015

    That’s a really good idea, ValeryNorth. I have a file of all the various characters I use for phone sex. All of them are Dominants, by the way. They vary in age, race, backstory, etc. but all of them enjoy inflicting pain. Some things you just can’t change (shrugs).

    I created WickedJulia as an online persona to protect myself when I realized just how weird people get about sex work and sex workers. I stupidly assumed that most people would understand that phone sex is primarily a storytelling activity that relies strongly on the actor’s ability to use their imagination and to listen than to simply say yes and use sound effects. I started talking about my experiences as a phone sex operator while using an online persona I have since abandoned and almost immediately gained a new (thankfully online only) stalker.

    The strange thing is there are some days when I feel far more like WickedJulia than I do any one else, including my RL persona. On a side note, it drives me up the wall when people drop the Wicked part and just address me as Julia. It’s like being addressed by my first name when I make a deposit at the bank by a teller who can’t pronounce my name correctly, anyway.


    • jemima2013
      August 22, 2015

      That is a really good idea, and I totally get the idea of sometimes feeling more like Wicked Julia than anyone else. Sometimes I do feel like Jem is me, but then Jem is more spikey, less thoughtful, and a lot more grumpy than I am irl. jem might be more fun basically but she would be hell to live with lol

      Sorry to hear about your stalker tho that sucks 😦


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


This entry was posted on August 21, 2015 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , .

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

%d bloggers like this: