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The queen of clubs

As it happens I’m watching Queen, in a 1975 concert.

If you like Queen, it’s fabulous.

Operatic rock with a huge layer of glam – what’s not to like?

I’m staring at Brian May in nylon pants, while Freddie rocks out in a spandex bib tights outfit that makes him look like a hairy biker who’s lost his shirt. I’d fuck both of them as soon as look at them, and if Freddie wanted me to bend over a monitor and let him fuck me I can’t be sure  I’d ever say no.

However, there’s an obvious question.

Whenever I’ve been to swingers clubs, it’s the women who make all the effort. And that’s not, if you’ll  forgive the Tom Jones quote, unusual.

I’ve been to Queen concerts, and it’s wall to wall denim. I went to watch Twisted Sister, and while the band were as queer as fuck in their costumes the audience were as straight as a die.

Why don’t men make the effort?


BTW, if you’re still reading, Freddie in the concert has just stripped to a shirt and shorts combo that is adorably fuckable. Yes, I know how he died, but he looked superb. The audience, in teeshirts and jeans, are looking at him like he’s an alien. I’m looking at him like he’s a sex object.

If you’re in a hetero swinging club where sex is on the agenda, why do the guys dress like they’ve gone to the pub to watch the Monday night football? Why don’t they make the effort? Why do some clubs insist on a towels only dress code as if  somehow that will help?

I’m sure there are lots of our friends who can explain the difference, the cultural constraints that make men behave differently to women, but I want to say to men, why don’t you try? I watch women turn up to clubs, wearing corsets and lingerie, and I want to say to my fellow men, what’s stopping us from dressing to thrill? I genuinely don’t know the answer. My lovely sub dressed for me today, and stopped me in my tracks with her choice of costume, just as I have stopped her with my choice of boots or belts. Why don’t men try harder?



9 comments on “The queen of clubs

  1. ValeryNorth
    December 19, 2015

    Is that the Hammersmith Apollo one? With the blow-up sex dolls released from the ceiling at the end? But in all their performances that I’ve seen on video or telly, their sense of spectacle was incredible.

    Brian May’s costumes in particular always appealed to my sense of style, that feeling of not-quite-maleness – a way of exploring for my young pre-teen/early teen self a different image of who I could be.

    Which goes to say, essentially, “I resemble this emotion!”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. jemima2013
    December 19, 2015

    I think there are a number of strands to this, part of it is the not wanting to be seen as a “poof” Swinging is so often horribly homophobic, with bi men, as you know, being both pursued, and persona non grata at the same time. There is I think an element of showing how straight you are therefore, by not paying too much attention to your appearance, and it is most certainly considered non gender normative to be too concerned, hence the ridiculous gendering of products for male grooming
    This most certainly is not anything intrinsic or innate, in fact I think it is a relatively modern concept of masculinity, consider the regency era, with Beau Brummel, right through to the mods and teddy boys, male display using dress was common. As we become more obsessed with gendering everything i wonder how much even being colourful is considered in some way feminine and therefore to be avoided? Since the 1970s the acceptable ways for cis men, queer or straight, to dress have narrowed hugely, the exploration of people like Mercury and Bowie inconceivable by many today, especially by men who wanted to be perceived as sexually attractive and available, the male peacocks of yore have been replaced by people like Beckham, attractive yes but very much emphasising how much of a “man” they are, and generally dull in palate and clothes choice (and remembering the sarong episode hugely mocked if they step outside their very narrow box)
    It seems ironic that whilst people are exploring the ideas of gender and sexuality in ever moew interesting and nuanced ways the opportunities for cis men to express how they look and feel are narrowing. Is it perhaps a result of loosing some of those who would previously have been the more adventurous cis men?Or is it the result of having to define yourself as not other? I am not sure but I dont think its a change for the better


    • cartertheblogger
      December 20, 2015

      I knew this was a blog I should have let you write 🙂 You understand it far more clearly….


      • jemima2013
        December 20, 2015

        NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! i love this blog, and it paints such pretty pictures in my head 🙂 my comment was only possible because u drew the link between music and swinging, and i realised how much duller our pretty boys have become


  3. CandyRoux
    December 20, 2015

    I would read the botha yous going back and forth on this subject till my eyes fell out. Have you read any Jake Arnott? He’s wonderful on 1960s gangsters and their suits – formal dress as “a kind of decorative violence.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • jemima2013
      December 20, 2015

      I love that phrase! I have not, but would be interested to know if Carter has, because his love of crime novels is legendary


    • cartertheblogger
      December 20, 2015

      I love Jake Arnott- the Long Firm is utterly superb in its understanding of time and place. He is the sucessor to Ted Lewis in evoking that era….


  4. Alex
    December 21, 2015

    Declaration: No experience or knowledge of swinging.

    Very sad to hear straight-casual wear is dominating male attire in the swing scene. I prefer the swing clubs of my imagination where all the guys are wearing red leather chaps (or black thigh high boots a la Sean Connery in Zardoz), high-fiving while they fuck each others’ wives up the arse.

    Aside: Not read The Long Firm but I did like The Devil’s Painbrush.


  5. Wickedjulia
    December 29, 2015

    In some circles, it’s not a matter of trying harder, it’s that some men don’t feel that they should be ‘forced’ to try at all. It is intensely hypocritical since these are the men who believe that the universe should present them with a hot, 20ish, financially independent woman who considers performing fellatio at the drop of a hat her vocation in life as their reward for having a dick. They whine about being single yet bristle with umbrage at the idea that bathing and shaving on a regular or learning how to hold a conversation might help them find a partner. They insist that a woman must love them for who they are but, are thoroughly grossed out by ‘lesbians’ who ‘don’t make an effort’. As far as I can tell, this idea permeates American masculinity in one form or another across all social strata. It’s infuriating as hell. Only male entertainers even attempt to step to step out of that mold and men wonder why every woman they know has a fantasy fuck list.

    And yes, Freddy Mercury was on mine. Somewhat surprisingly, he was also on my late (and very straight) husband’s fantasy fuck list as well.


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This entry was posted on December 19, 2015 by in Uncategorized.

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