Sometimes, it's just a cigar

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The persistence of grief

Two years ago, someone loved by all the people I love passed away.

It was a bizarre experience, in the sense that I had never been able to imagine it, and sometimes still cannot incorporate it into  my life. Even though they are gone, they are still with me.

Jem, who is amongst the most loving people I have ever known, used my personal grief to teach me about the reality of grief; we love people, but the fact that we  love them doesn’t change the fact that they will die. We do not have that power to stop the processes of life and death, and we would be weaker, and more dangerous, if we did. Grief is the space we occupy after events happen, inevitable and yet transitory. Jem’s talent was to remind me that people I love will die, and yet they will persist. Mortality is balanced by memory.

Jem has never known my parents but she knows enough to give me advice about my childhood and my experiences and her skill at giving advice is one of the reasons why she is such a dear close friend. Sometimes, it’s not all about sex, even if she is extraordinarily talented in that direction too.

This blog moves through cycles; we write about politics, the news, sex, sex work and consent as the mood takes us.

Recently, I’ve noticed we haven’t written enough about love. The shared philosophy of this blog is that there is something about love, as practiced and defined by some christians, and by Eric Fromm, that enables us to have the promise that we can be remembered and have an impact beyond the bounds of mortality. The politics of love, as practiced by Bevan or by contemporary socialists like Harry Leslie Smith offers a chance to reach beyond the grave, to be an influence after we have died.

The person I am mourning again, this week, would have understood that. Joe Hill was part of our family songbook; mortality cannot defeat ideas, and the idea that love is something we do, not consume is  all conquering.

Grief is the dark place I go to when I forget that love is something I have to practice, not just experience. It’s time to start praticing love, again.

 

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One comment on “The persistence of grief

  1. jemima2016
    February 7, 2016

    I feel you give me too much credit for just being me in this beautiful post

    Like

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This entry was posted on February 7, 2016 by in Uncategorized.

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