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Emma Watson and the worst sex ever.

The ever excellent Myles Jackman has described the censorship of pornography as the canary in the coalmine of free speech. It is a good indicator of whether you actually care about the freedom of others, or if its just a cause to hitch your bandwagon too, a la Tatchell.

In some ways BDSM serves the same position in view of women’s agency, and feminism’s troubled relationship with the idea that the class of women contains those who would chose to do things others might judge to be wrong, where wrong is actually a complex web of emotions around letting the side down, unwomanly, unfeminine, not approved by patriarchy and not what nice girls do.

Look onto those spaces which now are hotbeds of transphobia, look at those arguing that sex workers need to be criminalized for their own good, and their stance on BDSM has deep roots. Which is not to say that they were not always deeply transphobic and whorephobic, but that too many ignored what was being said about a womans, or someone seen to be a woman, right to be treated as a human being.

I am a sub, I am also a masochist, according to people like Stienham, and her new worshiper Emma Watson, I do not exist. I cannot exist, since no woman* actually wants dominance, pain, humiliation. The only sex which is acceptable to Watson is something based on warm fuzziness, where you stroke kittens for several hours before the screen fade of missionary position sex where no one every sweats, or swears, or cries or has anything as messy as an orgasm.

Emma Watson approved sex sounds like the genuine little death, and, frankly you will have to pay me to have something so dull and patriarchally approved.But of course we can not have sex for money, or to conceive, or because we are lonely, or bored, or horny, or anything but lovely romantic monogamous pair bonding.

Ignore that romance is more damaging to millions of women than filming someone having “the wrong kind of sex” Romance tells men that no actually means stalk me until I say yes. Romance tells women that anything is acceptable if you saw “I love you” Romance is the stage on which domestic abuse is rehearsed, romance is the chain which patriarchy uses to keep women tied to the idea that without a man you are nothing. Romance is patriarchy wearing a pinkwashed veil to hide the bruises.

Romance is acceptable, in the way erotica is acceptable, and porn is not. Porn does not tell the big lies. Oh it tells little ones, that there is never shit after anal, that no one has fanny farts, that people with dicks get hard in seconds, and that people with vaginas never need lube, but it does not tell the big lies, that sex means love, that having sex with someone means they will love you, that the kind of sex you have determines your moral worth.

Sex can be many things, and yes it can be a way of pair bonding, or mutual reassurance, or showing you care. This, and I know it will shock Ms Watson, can even be the case when you its painful, or degrading or humiliating, because how different people choose to have sex doesn’t always convey what it may mean to them to outside observers. To give an example so that those as devoid in imagination as Steinman and Watson can attempt to understand things outside their own experience; Recently Carter and I were making smiles, and on my knees, choking on his penis,  with his hands in my hair I felt glorious, after a week where I had once again contemplated the dark depths of despair. It was the kind of sex that most certainly would not pass the Steinman/Watson test of acceptability, facefucking belongs in the category of things women should not be allowed to enjoy.

Which brings me to our title, and the worst sex ever. There are a whole host of ways to have consensual sex (which is all this post is discussing). Sex can be bad, and still consensual, it can leave you feeling hollow, or horny, or like you just wasted half an hour of your life you will never get back. Its generally bad when when one person tries to impose their idea of what good sex is on another person. Its such an obvious statement that you might imagine feminists would not need it explaining, but it seems they do. Basic agency, the right of a woman to determine for herself what is acceptable should be at the core of any feminism. Instead, as the attacks on BDSM have so long shown, the core seems to be telling women that bad sex (according to the definition of sex which doesn’t fit with your preferences) is better than sex you actually want. So slow hand clap  Emma for celebrating what patriarchy has told us all along, that women don’t get a say in the kind of sex they can have.

  • I use the term woman very loosely in this post, to include those who may not ID as women but are perceived as them

 

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14 comments on “Emma Watson and the worst sex ever.

  1. Wickedjulia
    February 28, 2016

    Emma Watson trailing after her guru, Gloria Steinem, is just more proof that CLASSISM is alive and quite well in the modern feminist movement.

    Like

  2. CandyRoux
    February 28, 2016

    The day the discussion of the difference between erotica and pornography goes “the difference between Rubenesque and fat”, I will be a happy camper

    Like

    • jemima2016
      March 1, 2016

      oh yes! i hate rubenesque, i am fat, live with it

      Like

  3. Alasdair
    February 29, 2016

    I like the point you’re making here. But I do hope that calling Gloria Steinem ‘Steinman’ was simply an accidental mistake rather than a deliberate transphobic insult.

    Like

    • jemima2016
      March 1, 2016

      oh goodness no, I didnt even know they were trans, just an inability to spell due to my dyspraxia and learning difficulties

      Like

  4. angelagoodnight
    March 2, 2016

    I do take your points on board, but I have always been a girl who likes to have comfortable sex. Sometimes it is rough, but it is always part of a relationship where I am in love as now, or looking for love as with some of my past affairs.

    So, I don’t want to be physically hurt during sex, I don’t want to be spanked, I don’t want to be forced to gag. I love giving oral, but only to my own limits. I don’t want him to force me beyond those limits.

    My own blog and sex writing tends to be along those lines and doesn’t appeal at all to the BDSM community – I can tell that from the lack of comments from them, good or bad. My stories about long, languid, luxurious lovemaking don’t appeal to them. My followers tend to be non-bloggers.

    As for romance. Bring it on. I love being wooed, I love being romanced. That doesn’t make me a lessor person nor does it give me the right to criticise those who like to have their arses rammed painfully, forced to gag or have the need to hide their bruises from the world at large. it takes all types.

    I haven’t read Watson’s take on sex, but if she is like me and enjoys mutual lovemaking more than dominated fucking I suppose I can sympathise.

    However, I support the right for people to participate in consensual violence if they enjoy it. I have no right to deny what gives people pleasure in life. I also support the right of anyone to use their body to make money, whether it be the athlete who is a personal assistant trainer or the working-girl who loans her lips, breasts, vulva and vagina for the pleasure of clients.

    There are too many people telling others what they can or can’t do or should or shouldn’t do. That will never change, but we can all join together to fight them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • No Name
      March 5, 2016

      Don’t worry this ignorant blogger hasn’t read Emma Watsons take either, it’s a straw man :

      ‘The only sex which is acceptable to Watson is something based on warm fuzziness, where you stroke kittens for several hours before the screen fade of missionary position sex where no one every sweats, or swears, or cries or has anything as messy as an orgasm.

      Emma Watson is promoting a feminist sex site called OMGyes (like it or not) it is clearly is all about orgasm and the practice of explicit sexual pleasure for women.

      Also there’s much much dangerous shit that porn hides as well as the Disney romance crap . Feminism isn’t a choice between Disney romance and choking on rape porn. God forbid anyone should try and find something refreshing. But not to worry, you can now get 50sog teddy bears complete with pink fluffy handcuffs in hallmark card shops. So the circle is finally complete. And patriarchy owns feminism now.

      Like

      • jemima2016
        March 5, 2016

        Ignorance- calling bdsm “rape porn”

        Like

        • noname
          March 10, 2016

          Not sure who said that, but BDSM porand BDSM porn does include mock rape. And choking. The feeling of being dominated by a man by force. Etc etc. But really who cares. Porn contains mock rape scenes. Thats the point.

          Like

          • cartertheblogger
            March 10, 2016

            Nope. Ifyou can’t tell the difference between BDSM, which requires consent, and rape, which is defined by the lack of consent, you probably need to do some more reading.

            Liked by 1 person

      • cartertheblogger
        March 7, 2016

        I’m not sure I know what’sfeminist about two researchers (one of them a man)in the Kinsey Institute tradition repackaging the old Kinsey institute methods and claiming they’re a great leap forward for the twenty first century. read Watson, but I’ve read the OMGYes website, and reached for the sickbag when I got to this bit; “As we all know, the relationship between two lovers is crucial to sexual enjoyment. Physical touch and physical sensation are only part of it. But talking about relationships, in detail, isn’t taboo, and there are already lots of resources available out there to make them better.” Seems like our friends at OMGYes are every bit as conventional and every bit as middle America friendly as their media promoters require them to be.
        Sure enough, the website says “OMGYES is for women, men, and couples who are curious about how to achieve even more sexual pleasure, stronger relationships, more conversations, and better orgasms. Our study shows that couples who regularly explore new ways to increase pleasure are 5 times more likely to be happier in their relationships, and 12 times more likely to be sexually satisfied!” I’m no feminist, but if that’s feminism, a media company rehashing old research methods to talk to a monogamous, middle American audience, you need some help, and not just with your wanking technique via OMGYes…..

        Like

        • noname
          March 10, 2016

          “As we all know, the relationship between two lovers is crucial to sexual enjoyment.

          Really THAT makes you sick? Why even ask for consent if you don’t care? Only a rapist wouldn’t care what relationship they had with the person they were fucking. Why would anyone tthink love for another human whilst having sex with them is vile? That’s so sad.

          Like

          • cartertheblogger
            March 10, 2016

            Oh dear. My point was that sex is not limited to two people at a time,and it doesn’t require any relationship longer than the time it takes to do the deed. That’s all.

            Liked by 1 person

        • noname
          March 10, 2016

          ‘I’m no feminist’

          You’re not kidding.

          Like

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This entry was posted on February 27, 2016 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , .

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