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The superinjunction shock

Comments will be strictly moderated – if you choose to try and name the couple who are the subjects of a superinjunction we’ll delete your comment.

So when I heard a married couple who are in the public eye had taken out a superinjunction to conceal the fact that one of them had enjoyed an extra-marital threesome I made a discovery about myself.

Even after reading one of the judgements in the case I initially assumed that the errant partner was male, and that he’d had what is commonly called and MMF threesome with a couple.

The point of this post isn’t to encourage you all to speculate about who the litigants are; the learning was in my realizing that despite having been in several of the comonplace variants of a threesome, in a range of roles (yes, dear reader, I have been both spit and, some years ago, the roast) I still made assumptions.

There’s a lesson in those assumptions, and it’s not just about news stories.On the weekend I was talking to a family member who cut our conversation short because they were about to go out for a walk with Ben, who I’d not heard of before. Since we’ve talked about this family member getting a dog in the past I was about to ask what breed Ben was, before the family member cut in and explained that Ben was a neighbour’s child they were babysitting.

Daniel Kahneman has written at great length about the differnece between fast and slow thinking,a nd the extento to which we use heuristics, which are often not rooted in evidence, to reach conclusions that defy our pretence at rationality.

I’m a rationalist; or rather, I like to pretend I am rational. The problem is that when I read Kahneman’s account of his research I irrationally reject the suggestion that maybe, my assumptions get in the way of logic.

A shocked reaction to discovering that my assumptions had led me astray is a sharp reminder that Kahneman and others might be right.

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2 comments on “The superinjunction shock

  1. Jane
    April 25, 2016

    Something else made me very sad about this issue; If I have understood the facts correctly, then the adults concerned applied for the injunction in order to prevent their children reading about this episode in the future. It seems that there is no insinuation that the extra-curricular activity was a deal breaker for the partner who wasn’t there. So, maybe, this couple have an arrangement which suits them both. In which case good for them but then what a huge shame if they are possibly unwilling to share their experience with their own children at a moment when it is appropriate.

    I guess it’s a hobbyhorse of mine, but are we not doing the younger generations such a massive disservice when we continue peddling the myth that a monogamous, life-long relationship is the only possible way to be happy in adulthood? A lot of people spend a good many agonising years getting to the stage of accepting that the “one size fits all” solution isn’t for them and then go on to find an alternative which works, for the people concerned, and with no cost to the rest of the world. Some sadly never do find what they need. So why then make the next generation push through those agonies all over again? If only Mr. or Mrs. Outraged could just understand that alternatives have always needed to exist but that no one is out to force them to change. If marriage and lifelong monogamy works for the majority (and that’s a big IF) then good for them, but why can’t they understand that someone else’s poly or open relationship isn’t going to threaten that and so respect those choices too, stop acting like it’s the end of the world, and stop lying to the kids?

    Like

    • jemima2016
      April 30, 2016

      that was very much our view, and Carter wrote as much, surprised that the judge had seeminly understood non monogomous did not mean any relationship was “pretend” as the papers were arguing.

      Like

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This entry was posted on April 20, 2016 by in Uncategorized.

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