This is our truth, tell us yours
Back in my childhood, I had an unbearably close relationship with Hall & Oates. Their white boy Philly soul was astonishing and shape-shifting; how did two white boys do such a good job of sounding like black musicians?
The song that summed it all up was ‘Every Time You Go Away’ a slow soul epic that spawned a a million jokes about the second line being ‘you take a piece of meat with you’ rather than ‘you take a piece of me with you’.
I am hugely blessed in my relationship with Jem.I walk into her life when we choose, have phenomenal sex with her, and walk out of her life again, returning our lives to a place where she is simply the best friend a man could wish for.
The fact that the moments when we have sex are so ordered, so curated, is also an opportunity. Jem probably does not need reminding of a moment when I walked her home and we had sudden, surprising sex, with her bent over a kitchen stool. The fact that it was an exception, not the rule, made it beautiful and wonderful.
There again, in amongst our ordered, managed sex there have always been those moments of improvisation. A spanking in a back alley, a flogging in a summer field. The structures and practices, the exchange of schedules, the care not to intrude, make the spontaneous even more treasured.
Jem had a conversation on line with the phenomenal Girl on the Net, about how we respond when we discover that someone we’re in a relationship with masturbates without us.
I am in a relationship with a beautiful clever woman who has sex with other people. Part of the strength of my relationship with Jem, I hope, is my insistence that her relationship with her significant other is not a place on which I intrude; long before I met her she loved them, and understanding what that means is part of how I get to be her dom.
Jem, because of what she does, has sex with other people besides me and her significant other; sometimes because she knows I enjoy that, sometimes because it’s a profitable enterprise, and sometimes, I hope, simply because she can. We make this relationship of ours work because we understand the boundaries between us, and value the spaces we create.
Now, here’s a thing.
Jem and I can’t do what we do unless we allow each other the space to be all the other things we are. Also, we are able to be who we are because we value the opportunities we have. I know Jem has sex without me. I know she must at least suspect that I masturbate fantasizing about others who are not her.
I make Jem one promise though, a promise rooted in my experiences of being an utter slut who has often had sex with others with no concern for them other than that I will pursue my own desires.
We started our friendship as I watched Jem wank on cam. Some time after that we became friends, and some time after that we started having the best sex of my life.
Every time I go through Jem’s door, and every time I go away, I will have committed myself to sex with her that is completely about us, about how we understand each other. I don’t care who else she has sex with, or who she fantasizes over. All that matters is who we are when we are together.
And best of all, she makes me feel the same way.
Every time I go away, I know I’m a lucky, lucky man.