This is our truth, tell us yours
As I may have mentioned, my co-author and myself have had a bit of an adventure this week, and we’re still rather smiley about it.
The rules of this blog still apply; this is not a how to guide.
I am not a stranger to group sex. Far from it. Like other men who list cottaging as a formative sexual experience, there have been times in my life when group sex was a necessity, almost a fact of life. If you want to have sex,or can only have sex, in a space you don’t control which other men may enter at any time, objecting to group sex is a tad impractical.
So why was the group sex I had this week a pleasant surprise? After all, group sex in a club on an afternoon that is advertised as bi-friendly is almost banal. Even the moment when I was sucking off one guy and wanking another while Jem played with the lady involved wasn’t beyond the usual spectrum of what might happen on such an occasion.
Now, here comes the inevitable caveat; I thought it was pretty exceptional sex. Some of the other participants might have thought it was a bit ho hum, although no-one gave that impression. Jem, whose opinion I value, described it as the best groupsex ever, and didn’t even object when I described it as a grown up game of Twister without the embarrassed laughter.
On the one hand, what’s not to like? Three men, all at least enthusiastically orally bi, and two women who seemed more than happy with all that went on. All of them happy to change positions on a circular bed,with an audience of others not quite joining in but participating by watching. How could group sex with such people not be great?
We both went away thinking about it, and I thought about the groups I know.
Imagine a long distance race; running say, like the London Marathon, or a long cycle sportive. Groups form, and co-operate, so long as they share an objective. They’re trying to get to the same place, and if they can help each other, they will.
Groups aren’t teams; they’re coincidences of time and space. In a long race, the first rule of the group is people can do their own thing if the group doesn’t exactly fit their needs. If you don’t understand that, you don’t know the difference between a group and a team; in a team everyone has their role, their job, and their contribution to make.
That analogy borrowed from cycling helped me understand what we did on that round bed; it was team sex, not group sex. Each of us had an idea of what we could do and what we brought with us. The result was, from my position, an improvement on the kind of group sex where every group member is also weighing up the moment when the group has served its purpose.