Sometimes, it's just a cigar

This is our truth, tell us yours

Action and realities

As some people will know, this blog is a team effort in the same way that a BDSM relationship is, in our world, a team effort.

We’re both aware of how lucky I am that I met a submissive woman with the time, the energy and the desire to put up with my way of being a dominant. She may see this differently, but the result is that I am able to enjoy being who I am.

There are times when we can spend hours together, and times when we have had sex for hours. This isn’ta humble brag, justa reflection of the facy that when we can, this relationship is intensely sexual.

There are times when one or the other of us is busy with work, and we cannot be together, or even online together. (Our first significant conversation was enabled by two webcams, some fruit and veg and some bad jokes.)

I realised tonight something that I have probably recognized before, but not so lucidly. I do not stop being a dom, simply because we have full diaries, and Jem’s decision as to whether we are in a relationship is not predicated upon her availability.

That starts, of course, from her choices about whether we have a relationship, but that’s easy for me; I’m in a relationship with someone who fits my template of desire precisely. The point is that she chooses this relationship, even when she knows I’m not available to physically fulfill my role because my diary is full

I have had the time in my life when I was a dom for hire, the guy who rocks up, acts out a role then goes home. I now find, with Jem, that I am a dom, a guide, mentor and coach, even when we’re both fully clothed and busy.

What’s the point of telling you this?

Simply this. There was a time, which some of you will remember, when we blogged exclusively about sex, about sexual politics and about the unbridled joy of being us.

We don’t blog as much as we used to do, but I still feel that unbridled joy about being us. I feel a responsibility to tell our friends, our regular readers that if we don’t blog as much as we used to, it’s not because we’ve st0pped being us, but because being us has transformed our lives. Just as it used to, the blog is mirroring us.


I do…


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This entry was posted on July 30, 2017 by in Uncategorized.

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